Let’s Talk About My Fake Red Hair

Why did I go from blonde to this gorgeous red hair? Well, first I have to answer why I didn’t do it sooner.

I grew up with very light blonde hair. My 90’s bangs sat on top of my fair-skin head, above my bright blue eyes. In high school, a substitute teacher told me, “Hitler would have loved your family.” Don’t ask me why this stranger thought was an appropriate way to take roll call. Yes, I am fair skinned and have blonde hair and blue eyes. Very Aryan indeed.

I didn’t know how to respond.  Everyone in class didn’t either. We just looked at each other confused. Yes, lady (and complete stranger)… I may have not been tortured in Germany during WWII because of the way I look… but it is 2008, and I am very much glad that dude is dead and could care less what his opinions of my looks are. So…awkward. She was an odd duck for sure.

(My daddio and my fluffed up 90’s bangs)

Growing up, my mom would tell me not to dye my hair countless times.

“People would die to have your hair color! After you dye it, your hair will never be the same!”

So… I never did. My mom said not to.

Fast forward to a few years into college (2012). I had gained weight. I had depression. I had yet to have a lead role on a main stage show in my theatre program. It was my final year (or what I thought was my final year… going to class while depressed is hard, ok?). I needed a change. I needed something new.

Now, I always wanted to be like Lucille Ball when I grew up. Still do. However, she wasn’t my only influence to dye my hair red. Nobody can deny how hot Scarlett Johansson looked in the Avengers. I loved her fair skin and bright eyes against the striking red and darker hair contrast from her usual blonde. Also, I can not deny how kick-ass Black Widow is. I wanted to be as strong, confident, and beautiful as she. So I did it.

I loved it. I felt instantly more confident. I felt mature. I felt beautiful. Dying my hair ultimately helped me to begin losing weight, because I felt better about myself.

And so now (2018), I still have that fake red hair, and I still love it. I sometimes get asked if I will ever change it back to blonde. Maybe I will; I don’t know. But my red gave me confidence.

And trust me… dying my hair red is a massive pain in the butt. It is expensive. At first I tried to be cheap and box dye… that is a no no. My dry hair hated me even more during that time. So now I show my hair love by having someone who knows what they are doing take care of it for me, which I have to do once a month. If I don’t, my blonde comes through and then I just look like I am balding or turning grey.

But, how can you put a price on confidence and self love?

Red makes me happy.

Plus as my fake redheaded hero Lucille Ball once said:

Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.

Let’s Talk Weight Loss.

The other day I had a friend ask me how I did it. How did I lose the weight? How on earth did I lose 40lbs? The answer was simple. IT WASN’T FREAKING EASY. It started January 2013. It was a slow moving process. I didn’t have one diet or method. I had many. I didn’t have one workout that worked. I had many.

Before we get to the losing weight part, I think it is important to see what got me to that point. Growing up I was never a healthy eater. I ate a lot of fast food and drank a ton of soda. Not to the fault of anyone. That is just how we lived. My mom was a single working mother and frankly cooking is time consuming. I was a relatively active child until about 6th grade. Then I ate like I would never eat again and exercise was out of the question. I was a little chubby until senior year of high school. I got slim and fit because I had dance and productions and was at the school from morning til night. I wouldn’t have much time to eat sometimes as well, which added to some weight loss, but I still wasn’t eating right when I did.

Then… College happened. I was on my own when it came to food and exercise. I chose to eat out and not exercise. Who wouldn’t? Right? Well freshman 15 was real. real real. super real. I gained a little weight year after year. My third year added some stresses to my life. Befriending bad influences and dating a guy who admittedly calls himself an a**hole were no help to my weight gain situation. I began making poor choices to “fit in” and began to slip towards depression. The depression really began to kick into high gear my fourth year after one awful summer. I had a really hard time getting out of bed the next two and a half years. All I did was eat. eat. sleep. work. rehearsal. and sometimes I would show up for class. I knew something was wrong. I knew I wasn’t happy. I didn’t know how to fix it. Anyone that has ever dealt with depression can understand. It is dark. You feel heavy. You feel unloved even if you know you are. You feel like you aren’t needed. It is awful. I had thoughts of suicide. Depression literally feels like you are followed by Dementors all the time. So all I did was eat. eat. eat. Panda Express was my go to. 1400 calories a meal. Needless to say I gained a ton of weight. End of 2012 I weighed 165lbs.

Just before Thanksgiving of 2012, I knew I had to change something in my life. I decided to be drastic and change my hair. I wanted it to be dark. I wanted my eyes to pop. I also didn’t want to be the dumb blonde anymore. I also thought it would make me more confident… and it totally did. I change my color from red to dark brown all the time, but it makes me feel great. I don’t care if anyone liked me better as a blonde. To me, I am a sexy dark auburn lady. That’s all that matters. What I think. So… with some gained confidence in my hair, I began to notice my appearance more. I began to dress better. Then… the realization kicked in one December day when I couldn’t fit into a size 12 pair of pants. (let the swear words commence) What happened to the size 6 I wore in high school. I doubled my size?!? I knew you gained weight as you got older, but this didn’t seem right. So… I signed up for a Zumba class the next semester.

2013. Here is where it kinda started. I say kinda because well… I still was eating that Panda. Still wasn’t eating well. Still couldn’t get out of bed to go to class. Zumba was great. Plus I had my friend Cameron in there too. A buddy helps. Not only was he a great Zumba partner, but he also had a great spirit about him. He seemed happy, open minded, generous, kind, and caring. I wanted that. I wanted to be that. I stopped my “pretending to be a party girl phase”, which I never enjoyed, and started hanging around this guy. I was super lucky that he wanted to hang out with me too. I began to be a little bit happier. I began to lose a bit of weight. I probably lost 10lbs that semester of Zumba.

Then my greatest friends and the people who changed my life more than anyone showed up. Rob and Annie. The greatest souls you will ever meet. I was going through financial troubles so… they let me move into their basement. Rent free. All I had to do was clean the house sometimes (and I wasn’t even great at that :/) and take care of their dogs and cat. Then… they let me get a dog…Barnaby. The greatest impulse buy I have ever purchased. Getting a dog when you have depression is probably one of the fastest and best ways to overcome it. Barnaby saved my life. It is completely impossible to not feel needed or loved when you have a dog. Then Rob and Annie decide they are going to move to LA that October. They invite me to move with them. Yes. The perfect opportunity to get away from Logan Utah. The place I have been unhappy for so long. Plus… Disneyland. YES! I say.

So October came and Rob, Annie, and I move to LA to chase our dreams of becoming actors and a set designer, while also purchasing season passes to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth. It was one hell of a year in LA. LA was where my weight loss really kicked into gear. It is such a health conscious area. It is all about working out and eating right. Which is great! Rob, Annie, and I start eating better and working out more. We watch documentaries that make us never want to eat anything unhealthy again. Plus… I am going to set. I am seeing all these actresses. They are all in the position I want to be in. They are all tiny, fit, and… tiny. Well that was a boost for me. If I wanted to make as an actress in Hollywood. I better get in shape. It is sad, but very true. So by the end of my time in LA I weighed 140lbs. wahoo! January 2013- November 2014 I lost 25lbs. Took a while, but it happened.

 

this was our one year Hollywood transformation. (Annie’s tummy is a little bit more round now, but only because she has a tiny human inside. YAY! But still… bringing sexy back)

Then I moved back to Utah. This time in Salt Lake City with my ma! Money was real rough in LA. The struggle was real y’all. But… I am happy. I am comfortable and confident and emotionally stable. I am in a place where I can focus one what I really want and what will make me happy. I am still headed for that dream, just in a different way. Plus… I stepped up my game in the losing weight. I really didn’t want to go back to Utah and gain weight and depression back. Now that I have less stress with finances, I can have a gym membership. I also cut out all beverages but tea and water. I count calories. I make plans to workout. I get my sister to work out with me. I plan hikes. I have friends here that have also been working on a healthier body, some are running marathons, some are out hiking all the time, some kick box, some do 300 pushups a day… (I tried that last one… didn’t’ work out for me… so I am sticking with 50, but nice work Josh, you are killing it!)

Right now I am sitting at 125lbs. Now it is less about weight and more about strength and toning and well… keeping it off.

How did I lose weight? well…

I dyed my hair. Gained better uplifting friends. Got a dog. Moved to Hollywood. Saw skinny fit actresses and gained some motivation. Gained confidence. Gained muscle. Ate more chicken and less beef. Ate out less and ate more in. Just plain and simple chose the one with less calories. Only drink tea and water. I see a sexy man and want him to think “She’s hot!”… so I Go to the Gym. Run. Hike. Elliptical. Zumba. lift weights. Walked more. did sit ups. 50 push ups a day. squats. freaking squats man. Just Dance. I say NO to bad food more and YES to working out more. I try all kinds of different routines and diets. Did I mention that I would like a sexy man to think I am hot?

It has taken a very long time to get to where I am. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t easy. I don’t always make the best choice. I do choose the appetizer platter at Chilli’s instead of the soup and salad option on occasion. I definitely eat a lot of cookies from work. I don’t work out everyday and there are some weeks I don’t at all. BUT I take note. I realize when I am making the wrong choices. I think of how it will effect my body. Not just the outside, but inside too.

Losing weight and getting in shape isn’t easy. At all. And the thing is… IT NEVER ENDS. It is a lifestyle. not a diet. not a work out challenge. It is about constantly making good decisions for your body. For your physical and mental health. The better your body feels, the better you feel about your body, and the better you feel about your body, the more confident you become, the more confident you are, the happier you are. Whatever it is that motivates you… let it motivate you. I wanted to feel better about myself. I wanted to get parts in shows. I wanted my ex’s to say “dang she got hot.” I wanted my shoulders to stop hurting. I wanted to prove a teacher that called me too fat for television wrong. I want guys to think I am hot. I want to be strong. I want to never have depression again. I want to prove that I am not a quitter.  These things motivate me. Find whatever motivates you. If you don’t know what it is like I didn’t when I first started… KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Don’t give up on you. If you come to a place where you are comfortable with your body. That is great. The most important thing in life is being happy. Healthy is just the best side bonus ever.

Thanks to all the people out there who have helped me with this life change and those who continue to motivate me today. Cameron, Annie, Rob, Mckenzie, Jessica Jackson, Joshua Long, Heidi Doxey, John Terry, Amanda Anderson, Taira Hubbard, Mom, Dad, Becca Jones… You all have inspired me and continue to inspire me when it comes to not giving up on being healthy and fit. So thanks.